Crying on the inside

The sharp enduring pain of now,
rips apart the outer shell,
the pains of past,
exposed.

Pierced to the core,
past trauma bleeds out,
ousing, contaminating.
The bandages of the years,
inadequate and soaked.

On the inside I cry,
the well of tears dry.
No sound I make,
no show to see,
no stop to take,
no time for me.

Dear Ann

To you  it was a simple slip
To me   it was a cut so deep
To you  the moment passed
To me   it didn’t pass
To you  you forgot about it
To me   the moment hung heavy
To you  I doubt you’d remember anyway
To me   I can not forget it happened
To you  it’s just a pronoun

Never got to be

Your thirteenth birthday you didn’t see,
you never got to be.
Just once i got to meet your he.

Constrained your life the mould to fit,
Your you not to exhibit,
I understand you had to quit.

So much more I wanted to do,
But tied my hands, of that you knew,
I will remember you.

I will remember you.

That Moment

In stunned silence I stand.
kids and parents around,
unaware.

They seem to fill all the space, crowding me,
alone.

Crazy paving at my feet,
the soles of my feet sensing the gaps,
broken thoughts in my head,
chasms in my soul,
confused.

The smell of roses, cut grass in the sun,
warmth on my back,
cold.

The sound of the birds, wheeling swifts,
rustling leaves in the trees,
silence.

Me, identity,
questioned, broken.

Escape

You saw my love and took it,
ground it in to the dust,
day by day you eroded it
left it at the roadside, dead.
You saw my soul and ground it down,
until withered, spent it lay
nothing more it had
yet take you did,
my all not enough for you
your appetite unmet.
At last the loss I stopped.
my essence, hemorrhaged,
broken and blamed,
I walked, saving the embers
and yet the 'unfed' comes,
again, to dine,
trying to bite at each turn,
the feast denied.

Snubbed

You left this world, at your hand,
The pain too much,
The outlook stark, unyielding
Your light snubbed out,
So young at heart,
You barely found your true self,
Revealing your beautiful soul,
You inner self expressed at last,
but no one got to know.
No help you found only hate.
We had to cry goodbye,
mourn the one we didn’t get to know,
the one that should have been,
the one that no one saw
So much life to come,
gone.

This again

The inevitable looms once again,
the click of the needle in the broken grove.
Deja-vu deja-vus again,
the searing prod of pain cuts deep once more,
reopening the scars of yester years,
tearing, ripping.
The years unkind amplifications of echoes past,
the memories mixed,
the roller coaster once more embarked, enforced.
The time of year, a passive assailant,
a stark unyielding reminder,
thrust coldly into the heart.
Feels precisely violated.
No reprieve.
Destiny of hope remains,
towards a change in future sojourns.
The flickering flame stays lit,
the focus,
amidst the storm time.