Perspective

I really wanted to live. 
To carry on existing in the then brutal reality became too much to bear,
alone. 
To hope for anything different, matched,
by the futility of the moment by moment trudge to exist. 
The eon of each day passed by holding me captive to be,

without being. 
No dance in the trudge, 

no glimmer in the dark, 

no escape from the cage. 
My me that could not be.
Even the idea of me could not be. 
She had taken a brutal punishment, 

so young.
Trying to push the door ajar, she reached, 

to find a thread to pull on. 
What little she could tug on, unravelled,
a small pile of broken, fray ended limpnesses. 
What zeal she once had, long gone, 
what shreds of hope she had once held, 
broken,

lay where the light had long departed. 
What little she had left was held for but one task.

Today I woke again. 
I greeted the day as a familiar friend, 

reacquainted once again. 
Another chance granted me to be. 
With grateful heart I thank the universe,

it’s precious gift bestowed upon me. 

Today, listening to the breath of the wind,

Watching the pretty art the rain makes upon the window pane,

The clouds race by on their morning run,
the tree tops wave their greeting, 
their choreography perfected. 

Each ones presence in my life, a gift.
I am so truly, deeply, thankful for you all.

My love

Time passes in a moment, 

eons of knowing, anew.

Conversation flows,

no words need to be said.

We talk with ease,

one infectious smile after another.

The music of your voice,

a well known melody,

it’s timbre sparking and dancing.

We laugh together,

our minds in the same place,

inexplicably connected.

We relax into each other,

like a body sinking into a favorite chair, 

comfortably fitting like we always did, 

numb with pleasure,

alive with the excitement of fresh.

Our lips caress, synchronised, 

tasting each other, familiarly pleasant and alluringly new.

The warmth of your love, 

like the joy of the morning sun,

reaching deep into my soul.

Sad

I loved you. You hurt me.
Your golden core sealed in a leaden shell.
Stung. Bitter sweet.
Depleted and drained.
Empty and lost.
My me hiding,
wounded.
My love wrenched from me,
cast away, discarded.
Memories made, to be cherished,
slithers of bright in the dark.
Memories to be lost,
clawing of the dark released.
Memories never to be,
grieved.
Sadness wells up,
I sag,
I gently weep,
unexpected,
unprompted.
My brokenness,
lays smashed, scattered.
The gentle fingers of love,
others offer to help,
bringing the pieces slowly together.
Tears cleanse and irrigate.
I'm just so sad.

My Mothers Day

“What would you like for Mother’s Day?”
“Do you have any plans today?”
Amidst the tears and pain
One thing this day I pray
To see my baby girl again
A mother herself today
The day will pass once more in vein
But my hope will never sway

Why am I so proud of you?

I am proud of you every day.
Despite your sore and tired body,
  you put your all into each day.
You do so much to be the wonderful mom you are
You work hard to make it all happen.
Each day I see a little more of what you go through
Each day I see a little more of what you've been through,
   the scars and breaks of the past.
Each day I want to love you more than enough to heal.
Each day I see your smile, hear your laugh.
Each day I hear the sweet music of you heart.
Each day I get to hear your lovely voice.
I see a little further into your ever changing eyes.
Each day I love you more,
   more than any obstacle that might get in the way,
   more than any hurt either of us have had in the past.
I love you more.
I am proud of you each and every day.

You hurt me

You hurt me.

I was small, unknowing.
You were strong, older.
You called yourself family.
You had one thing on your mind,
I needed to get away.
I cried, you did it anyway.
Innocence scarred.
You acted like nothing ever happened.
You abused me.

You ignored me.

I came to you to tell you,
I trusted you.
You told me I was lying.
I broke.
You said family don't do that.
Humiliated.
I walked away. Again.
You abused me.

I withdrew

The visits continued,
I made excuses.
No where was safe at home when you visited.
Chastised for absence,
I didn't care.
I wasn't the only victim.
But I was not the protector.
You abused me.

I never forgot

The years passed by.
Scars remain, reminder never gone.
I survived.
I hope you touched no others, I fear you did.
I'm 'ok' now but I needed help.
It took some work.
You have no power.

A Widows Heart

Grief erupts in to a widows world. With the force untold of volcanic action, it's burning lava upon the cheeks. Scars of loss etched upon a heart, embattled and weak, she makes it through. Dark nights of day pass by, lifts slowly the dim inky fog, revealing the glimmer of star light bright, cherished memories bring light each day. A widow's heart is a special place, when once again love finds her. Stretched and flexed, her heart becomes, space for two she finds. One that remains as memories, for the love that didn't die, long gone the bodily vessel, as pain and grief subside, asymptotically. And one that grows day by day, new memories made, new stars to shine, cherishing anew, moments special. Her heart expanding, more love to give, exponentially.