This is love. Worry.

The unthinkable. Thought.

The unimaginable. Imagined

The colourful fabric of the mind,

Greyed, clawed, torn and ripped.

The icy walled cavern of loss, scaled.

Repetitiously. Recursively. Over and over.

The mind ever increasingly processes,

 in ever decreasing circles.

"What if?" Unanswerable. Re-answered.

The battle field of the mind,

the real and un-real come together,

spilling out, made physical,

a damp cheek.

This is love. Caring

The familiar stench of beige

The yearn for peace amidst the confusion of noise

The sting of waiting stabs at love's side

The wane of emotion, inability to do

The taste of frustration, the sour smell of pain

The inveitable side slide of time

Strained smiles, tense brows

The cry of machine pings, tug

The creeping onset on numb

Lead air, hanging like cold air baloons

Terms too familiar and foreign, harmogonise

The cold comfort and uncomfort of sit

The cycle endless of stand, pace and sit

The long dark wait time of seeming for-never

Coffee by coffee, dank stench hangs

The cloak of nothingness encroaches and shrouds

The pain of watched pain

Felt, bruising, cutting and intense

Love, expanding, torn and ripped

Tears un-watered spring forth inside

Brave faces and hearts, continue contnuing

The never endng prospect of waiting

This is love. Home sick

Twines of love, holding strong,

tearing the fabric of feels.

Lost,the yearning of the soul,

pained and exhausted.

The loss of being away,

peircing the emotions.

The gentle caress of the one,

loudly missing.

Glimpses of ones love,

fleetingly far away

The senses of eyes and ears

denied to touch, smell and taste

The sound of their voice,

comfortingly brief

Unheld, the days morph,

seemlessly towards limpness of the being

Close, yet far away,

dichotomy internalised.

The eons of soon, 

impossibly long

Elasticity of time,

stretched taught, springless

Emptiness of the night, 

aloneness, void

Passion, held hostage

to the vastness of distance

yet, undaunted, the heart holds strong

the sweet purfume of love, effervescently present

permeates the all

excitement builds, time quickens and slows

uncertain of is passage, its direction challenged

brutal an sweet

explosion of passion, the sweet kiss of arrival

balance resored, silken smooth

home is my heart

balance restored

passion, pent of time

set free

This is love. Real

it comes, the time not known
challenged, our deepest feels
tormented, our being
bump, hit hard
loss, contemplated
pain, caused and felt
moment, reality of feel
terms, we approach them
time, sluggish and unyielding
waiting, viscous and sticky
guilt, heavy and hard
words, inadequately limited
apology, humbly sincere
grace, undeserved and comforting
relief, crumpling
real, known

Child of Mine, Spent

Child of Mine

July approaches again

the poignant annual reminder

birth day

i know you

your first moments of life,

i looked into your eyes

as you started taking in everything

the new light of wonder

sounds of life, you heard

with your senses fresh 

untainted, my voice you listened

my face, my smile, my tears 

you felt my saline joy dripped upon you

you clasped my finger with your hand

your delicate strength gripping hard

upon your feet you placed weight

your first sense of upright movement

your giggle, a memory unfaded

like so many moments

faltering steps you took,

you bounced, yet rolled

propelled by determination

you tried, the room you crossed

strength grew, motion increased

steps, stairs, speed you conquered

steps to walk, walk to run

investigative spirit triumphed

everything worthy of tactile trial

nothing left untouched, unreached

ingenuity grew, your mind a playground

of thought and questions

your surroundings your teacher

fluffy stuff that moved

you handled, ran, looked

you play, you feed

feathers, feet, paws and pads

you knew them all, felt them

the dirt and grass shared

time spend 

questions, answers, mind inquiring

the gift of reading taught

green eggs and ham, zike bikes and the like

pooh and piglet, alice 

with intent you listened, 

you learnt 

to school, your days away from home

your sponge filled

you grew, friends you made

life you lived, carved out

your likes and dislikes formed

interests found and tried

and discarded 

growth of mind and spirit

what happened next?

how dark your world?

light found?

life continued

what did you do? 

and how?

how many firsts? and lasts?

who are you now?

eighteen years passed by

yet yesterday it feels

the last i saw your eyes, your soul

the you i knew

i loved you then,

through everything,

i love you still

fade it hasn't

nor will it.

tomorrow comes and goes

thoughts of you skip through my heart

light footed, free spirited

dance, bounce, joyful

for each tomorrow brings hope

a word to get, a picture to see

to hear you, to meet you

your light came into the world,

bright, strong and white

in my life it persists

unflickering, untainted

the perfect you-ness

moments of you, my surroundings suppressed

all senses giving way to feels

completely, bonds unbroken

saline drops, you inspired

fall not upon you this time

yet

time passes, eonic 

i await, 

ever, ever patient

Spent

my emotions, too much

erupt the tears

the saline well boils over

the feels, the hurts

swollen, my heart

torn once again

bruised and cracked

tears flow, falling

unending 

pain infused

my breathing limps

faltering

infinite nothing 

surrounds

a moment, forever

tears flow no more

regularity of breathing returns

slowly

eyes tired

sore, dry

embers of pain

remain

again

undying

my body spent

my emotions raw

bled out once more

the wound 

fresh covered

for now

the saline well burbles

yet

the spring

unstoppable

it seems

too much

still

i see, yet see nothing

i hear, yet hear nothing

life happens, around me

i hurt

spent

the well

still

This is love. Helplessness

so much that could be done

so nothing that can be done

so close

so far away

my heart pulls to want

but nothing that can

words i give freely

thoughts and feels

expressed, said

told

all i have, i give

to express

in hope, in try

i want to do, anything

something, but nothing

i can't actually do

i just can't can't do

to trust, to hope

to yearn, to want

to oh so want

but, but, but...

it tugs, it hurts,

the nothingness of wanting

the everything of can't

words to expresses

my thoughts, my struggles

to turmoil, the agony

the have to leave it

separation

can't

want

can't

the helplessness

This is love. Waiting.

it's coming

time, to spend

to be with

long overdue

sweet taste of time

together

jittery, imminence 

to express, to show

to be, at one

with her, my love

the waiting, over

in sight

close, so close

counting down, reducing

it's coming

can't wait

so needed, so wanted

peace, care

so soon, touchable

anticipation, excitement

time stretches

almost

This is love. Is like

my love is like...

...honey, sweet and delicious
...the dawn chorus, full of life
...the sunrise, full of promise and warmth
...a running dog, free and happy
...the flowing river, free flowing
...the blossom of spring, fragrant, fresh, delightful
...snow, pure, unique, gentle
...a cloud, care free, dynamic
...a dog bark, public, noticed
...the morning dew, soothing
...ice, refreshing and solid
...footprints in the sand, familiar, there
...the evening warmth, embracing
...the first rain of summer, full or anticipation
...the feel of new sheets, divinely comfortable
...flowers delivered, exciting
...a new place, to be discovered
...the sunrise, familiar, warm, shimmering
...the sea, bold crashes of freshness
...the smell of fresh cut grass, sweet
...an emptied plate, satisfying
...a meal, nourishing
...music, absorbing
...good book, enthralling and gripping
...an old oak tree, strong and proud
...the first coffee of the day, invigorating
...a butterfly, delicate and beauty full
...the night sky, expansive and sparkling
...a good night's sleep, restful
...a forest clearing, private and tranquil
...music, emotion full
...the best thing ever

Overwhelming

another day,

far too far away.

like every other day away,

missing her.

but today the pull,

it feels too much.

far too far away,

far too much time gone by.

the tug too great,

the strings too taught.

too much it strains,

too little it feels.

yet far too much.

the waves of missing her,

crash through me.

the storm of being away,

like thunder through me cracks.

elastically, the days elongate,

snapping back to reality.

overwhelmingly, alone.

yet the tendons of love,

tightly hold,

solid the rock,

love, the foundation.

perfection.

This is love. Your light

your light warms my heart
ray by ray opening my life
vanquishing hurts of the past
once torn fissures gaping
gently healing over smoothly

your light caresses my soul
still it lies, in comfort
no more its tears to shed
no more in pieces
whole again, content

your light shows the path
a future to be seen
no longer out of sight
envisioned, real, grasped
side by side, together

your light shines from within
pouring from your eyes, inviting
from your mind, exciting
from you being, enticing
enveloping, completing

your light bathes me clean
like the fresh rains of spring
washing away the hanging smog
no longer dry and hard
soft, sweet, relief

your light hugs me tight
tenderness of close
arms strong embracing
moment upon moment
peace, still, soothed

your light, your heart
caring, open, inviting
unconditional, giving
vulnerable, loved
tender, loving

This is love. Sleep

breathing, mesmerisingly rythmic

light, catching her features

highlighting, form alluring 

watching, outline traced 

line, following slowly

profile, smoothly contoured

lush, lips relaxed

resting, her eyes hiden

flickering, gently reflecting

gazing, every movement watched

restful, the connected feel

content, much needed rest

Dejavu

had it been experienced before

had it been dreamed

familiar yet out of grasp

it lingers as if once before

but uncertainly it remains

on the edge of memory

dangling from the precipice

of almost being tangible

featingly here 

but etherially missing

as the distanct mist of morning

shrouds the horizon 

it is there but it isnt

unexplainable

real

This is love. Doubt

it couldn't possibly be, could it?

was it right? had i read it wrong?

that what if moment

haunting

talked into it. talked out of it.

how can we know for sure?

how can we really tell?

questioning

that moment of not knowing for sure

coarsing through the mind

the wake of uncertainty

spinning

exponentionally growing questions

tearing at the flesh of thought

ripping and tearing

jagged

the edges of the mind rough and cut

meandering in the fairway of what ifs

uncontrollable and untenable

grasping

then dispelled in a yot

why had it even been an issue

all doubt dashed by a word, by an action

comfort

security, the need sucks us in

relief, our response tamed and welcome

this moment of completed knowing

fixed

remember

absolute

This is love. Fallen

completely knowing

forever, this moment to be

unimagined to be any different 

this is the one

no doubt

no uncertainty

no question

slipped into

knowingly unknowing

its mystique bestowing

unfathomable to logic

no doubt

no uncertainty

no wuestion

unchallengable to thought

yet, thought consuming

without devouring

perfectly aligned

no doubt

no uncertsinty

no question

its happened as if accicently,

with purpose and desire

as if crept up from behind

gentle, true, complete

no doubt 

no uncertainty

no question

Waiting

Walking, pacing, strolling, hiking, inanely
as if giving the mind an occupation.
talking with a friend,
we aid the elongated passage of time,
the weight of waiting,
measured infinite second by infinite second.
“of course it will be fine”,
“but what if?”,
stabs the mind in doubt and fear,
the unwritten, loss unbearable,
moments of trust hard to find.
checking, wondering, yearning,
helplessness of nothing.
the continuation of continuing,
we wait.
and then as if nothing had happened,
its over.
the weight released
the wait, released.

Trapped

it’s wrong!
the mirror lies!
it’s image wrong!
thats not the body of my soul.
a prisoner,
body, the cell, barred.
struggling to find a way out,
locked, the door.
the path, unseen.
dark the walls.
caged, languishing soul,
clawing at walls to get out,
unyielding, their stoniness.
curled in the minds corner,
time passes like flowing tar.
living, a lie.
existing, a chore.
treadmilling, life.
suicide, a lusted blissful escape.
inconsistency consuming,
incongruity, the norm familiar.
the island of the soul,
ravaged by the ocean storm,
the making of every day,
after every day,
each day.
it’s wrong.

Shey's loss

thieved under the cloak of life
the one, taken, an outstretched hand, limp
shattered in a million pieces
the rubble of ones heart lays in ruins
scattered to the four corners of love immense
pure, like driven snow drifts, now out of reach
unending the flow of pieces
perpetual the pain of once was
time immeasurable marches past unstoppable
whilst ones own familiar tick falls silent
the world passes by disconnectedly
with the silent inevitability of days,
the restoration of what’s left hangs heavy
waiting to be clung too in fragility
as a promise of what is never more to be
begins the restoring of the heart
broken shard by broken shard
each memory cutting deep
into another shred of love
solitary tear by solitary tear
cheeks stained in brine trails
moments remembered, confused and yet clear
the bright shining of ones life
through the cracks of broken emotions
the view clouded by the mist of loss
kind words well meant frame
an unkempt existence, remain
and like a new born, staggering
ones feet are found
the stuttering walk begins
careening from reminder to reminder
falling, stuttering, restarting
the cloak of life still hanging
the always was
gone

Sunrise

clawing her way up the east face
her steady pace unrelenting
chasing away the night
bring bathings of her orange hue
she makes her entrance upon the day
a shard, a shaft, a blaze at a time
conjuring the hills and mountains
filling the valleys and plains
with her bright morning cheer
the feathered chattering masses
engage her in idle conversation
passing the dawn away
as old friends catching up once more
brighter she makes it
bring warmth in her cloak of gold
once again starting the clamour of the day
whilst she looks to the horizon
her track set uncomplicatedly
good morning girl!

Sunset

A weary sun trudges the last of the day
cotton balls of sky impede its gate
highlights of gold litter the air
edging roof tops, trees and wires
reluctantly, she peers out
sharing her bath of rich colour
spilt upon the restful watcher
ten once again she hides
the fibres of her glow
stretching to distant hills
the moment of her glory
released from her cloudy prison, she appears
full glowing with a distant shimmer
casting long shadow and glowing charm
all around is bathed in her triumphal glory
her arc describing until she sinks
the hills obscuring in stages
she yields her light to night
dusk making its brief presence
to night.

This is love. Missing... her

...the feel of her, thought caressing
to be cared for
...the smell of her, delight conjuring
to be appreciated
...the sound of her voice, enveloping
to be encouraged
...her hair, light to the touch
...to be played with
her softness, comforting
...her arms, embracing
to be captured
...her allure, enchanting
to be protected
...her breathing, captivating
to be sensed
...her kisses, time defying
to be gently returned
...her mind, engaging
to be given flight.
...her eyes, watchful and content
to be watched
...her hands, inviting
to be rewarded
...her conversation, enthralling
to be soaked in
...her love, unconditional
to be loved unconditionally
...the moments, everlasting
to be remembered
...her
to be

Again

veiled, nothingness crowds out the world
bustle, distraction for the vessel
drone, everything becomes
dirge

fake, the becoming
hiding, a continuum of being
relief, close like the fresh smell of rain
untouchable

ok, the lie told
escape, found fleetingly
routine, keeper of all things
entrapping

wheel, home to the butterfly
feels, suffocatingly envelop
emotions, consumptively shroud
again

greeting, an old friend

Requited?

The generosity of love given,
out weighed by its missing.
Longing joyful,
lack familiar.
Reaching out to start again,
the tide of love ebbs.
Past pains scream in protest.

Anticipation.

Feelings

Like a bull in a china shop, the feels rampage through our emotions.
The vestiges of our soul lay in pieces shattered on the parquet floor of our mind.
We navigate the sharp edges.
They cut to the core.
Our lives lived with the scabs, a regular reminder of our pasts.
Taught skin of feeling, itching to be picked,
Picked by life, wounds opened once again.

Woke

dark unwraps,
light, through curtain cracked
awake, feels are here.

friends, a thousand
loves, a few
lovers, none

meanders, life occurs
distractions, days become
routine, to cling to
friends, love, hugs and fun
anticipate, impending night
gloom, resurgence
alone, inevitableness of again

dark,
night.

Castaway

Adrift in the ocean,
empty horizon,
no harbour in sight.
Tossed by the storm,
rage, rain and wind,
we writhe.
Love long gone,
emptiness crowds in,
adrift in a crowd,
unseen, unknown,
untapped, undone,
empty horizon,
no harbour in sight.

Alone

Evaporates the day,
the emptiness of night,
remains.
Loneliness returns,
heavy and dank,
clinging.
Void the dark,
devoid of warmth,
no one.
The pain of nothing,
returns like clockwork,
night
Struggle in vain,
rest and sleep,
missing
Once more the light arrives,
new day, cold,
alone.