Shock

Numb. Nothing. Too much.
From nowhere comes the unexpected,
piercing to the soul,
The embers of the past,
stoke, poked and fuelled.
Flaring.

Waves on the pond of feels,
rolling out to the edges of memory.
Experiences past and shelved,
awakened, reflected.
The chaos of it all,
tossing the emotions.
Storm.

Erupting from the core,
after an age of silence.
Tears roll.
Torn and ruptured,
the mind un moored.
The body lost,
Breathe.

The stillness erupts,
tense, fresh, foreign.
Nothingness returns,
processing time.
The quiet numbness,
throbs to the beat,
for now.
Shock.

What next?

Not broken

Our bodies, broken,

betrayed by genetics and biology,

worn out and ground down by cruel time.

Our characters grew, our souls learnt.

Our souls found each other, 

our beings, love, enevitable,

complete, our everythings connected.

We didn't fall in love with each others bodies,

their brokenness, unimportant,

but vessels for our beings, our souls,

toys of enjoyment with and for each other.

Connected, our love grows,

deepening with the gift of time.

We love each other for who,

for character, for soul, for all,

so vastly, the universe is full.

Soul mates outside of time.

We love.

This is love. Going...

Driving home again

The rain pounds on the road a reflection of the rain in my heart.

I had to leave you again,

Alone, scared, frightened I know you are, struggling to keep going.

Sleep, lost

as I try to make sense of everything, trying to unravel the day

Familiar, the bed

missing you, it feels so vast and enpty, a shadow of us

Your touch,

far away, ever close in heart, we feel touched

Disconncted by geogrophy

connection in our souls, our love holds on spanning the eons of distance

Want and need

the calling out to each other, the life line of our love

Till next time

the yearning pangs of pain to bare, waiting. 

To sleep

i must surrender unwillingly dispite my need for rest

Tomorrow

A new day, love, to hold and lift you up. We go on.

This is love. Losing you?

My love, boundless, is not enough to take away your pain,

that pangs cross your face.

You smile so broad, interleaved with loss these days,

your eyes of love, tortured.

Four wet cheeks struggle to comprehend the forthcoming loss,

grieving for what will come to pass.

You lived your life, caring, your heart for people strong,

the cruel fate of genetics rendering your heart so weak.

For a fleeting moment in our lives, we came together,

love so strong, souls at home, one,

To be ripped apart, unyielding,

love to endure the ages.

The looming emptiness, once more to face,

the loss incomprehendable to bare.

Each day a gift once more, to love and be loved.

My heart is tearing, ripped and sharded,

breaking to the inevitable,

in tatters it struggles.

The light of your eyes I will remember,

it lit the way of love unconditional,

as day by day you fade, I set the view for ever.

The fight is ebbing from you, it’s burden too much,

the tie to go approaches.

We love for one more day for today we have,

we love.

Do you know my name?

I knew myself, you still don't know me.

I just wanted to be myself, you had other plans.
I told you everything, you heard nothing.
I needed to be, you wanted me out of your lives.
I trusted you, you threw it away.
I knew no difference, you knew better.
I was only eight, you were childish.
I understood the cost, you saw no value.
You abandoned me, I had to stand by myself.
I suffered alone, you saw nothing.
You were no comfort, I cried in isolation.
I tried to die, to you I did.
I stood tall, an embarrassment to you.
I feel the loss, you lost sight.
I know love, will you ever?
I had to walk away, you gave marching orders.
I know how little I know, you gave empty lectures.
I am open, you couldn't be more closed.
You were not invited in, you barged anyway.
In spite of you, I miss you.
I forgave you, you blamed me.
I live, are you alive?
Your names are Mum and Dad.
Do you know my name?

Reflections of Hope

I sit upon the bench of now,
I gaze across the mill pool of the past.
The ripples of events dropping into life, spread out
Their interactions line up as dots on a line
Precisely forming straight lines
The path unwavering

The other way one looks,
chaos of choice and consequence
a thicket of tangled brambles
the fruit alluring amongst the sting of thorns

The tranquility of now,
the gentle warmth, a glow
no regrets in the present
no worry in the current

Which way to go, the path unclear
to step out, we must
to trust, we have no choice
to know, looking back
the events, joined dots will form
and so we step and trust we must
there is no other way

Overload

All. None.
Everything and nothing,
Violated, emotions cut to the quick.
Raw and exposed, bruised and broken.
Ripped.
Miserable and disconnected,
Anger. Tears!
Cried out,  forlorn, prostrate, numb.
Anchor, dredging the sands of feels.
Too much.